And now ... To my Husband

I’m dreading the new Whore in Whoreville.  Who will it be, someone who has already toured Whoreville or someone new?  And I’m wondering, is it worth even sticking around?  Or is it time to pack it in, call it a day, and look for a fresh new start somewhere.

I’ve invested a lot of time in our love story that seems to be over, at least for one of us.  Twelve years and two amazing sons later, I am stuck with the choice of trying again or moving on.  If this was a one-time deal I would probably not be even considering whether or not I should give up.  Even if this was a second time, but it had been years in between, I would probably let it slide and forgive and forget.

It’s much easier to forgive and forget when there have been multiple women with questionable relationships with my you since April.  First, there was Andrea from college.  Finding those messages was lovely.  Questioning my you was horrendous.  The things you wrote to her were horrible.  Asking for pictures of her naked body, just appalling and telling her what  you wanted to do her was just plain freaking gross.  How could someone do that and still look at their spouse in the eye the next day?  Don’t use the “I was drunk” line because eventually even drunks remember what they did.

Then there was Kelly.  Constant texting, day and night, but this time, you had the guts to end it.  Kudos to you.

Rebecca from Philadelphia followed.  Oh those messages were great.  Again, talking in sexual ways and asking for pictures.  Awesome … just freaking awesome … I especially like that you tried to turn it all on me … if I had made you feel wanted you wouldn’t do this type of thing.  OK, let me just say,  WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO MAKE YOU  FEEL WANTED WHEN YOU DESCRIBE SEXUAL ACTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO PERFORM ON OTHER WOMAN?

And then there was Jen.  Jen sweet, Jen … at least we have the same name, so you’ll never call out the wrong one.  Jen, who you introduced me to … Jen whom I questioned the relationship in October, November and December.  GREAT … just freaking GREAT … again with the texting, e-mailing, and Facebook messaging day and night.  DUMBASS … don’t pass out with the computer on your lap.  I see and learn way too much.    So glad you said you “took care of any further issues” and then you bring home cookies and candy from her.  So glad I get to still watch you text her for Christmas and her birthday (the day after Christmas).  I wonder if you got her anything.  I wonder if you’re thinking of her right now.  I wonder why you think I am stupid.  I wonder how you could even possibly think I wouldn’t figure things out.  And finally, I wonder how you are going to react when I question you one last time before telling you its over. 

I need to get over my anger.  I need to move on.  I need to figure out what to do with my life.  

You are the biggest obstacle I face.  And that isn’t fair.  In fact, it just plain sucks.  I put 12 years into our relationship.  One year of dating, one year engagement and ten years of marriage.  Ten years ago I promised to stick this through.  And now you and my husband and put me in a place where I have to decide whether or not I really do want to stick this through. 

You are single and young enough to find someone of your own.  Aren’t there any SINGLE guys out there for you?  Why do you feel the need to set your sights on someone who is married with a family?  Yes FAMILY … I know you are aware we have two boys.  I know this because you had the audacity to ask if you could make Halloween bags for them and I was stupid enough to let him make that decision.  I should have known something was up. Oh wait … I DID think something was up, I asked him and he told me nothing was going on.  Suddenly the texts stopped for awhile.  He wanted to “concentrate on his family”.   Too bad that didn’t last.

You know those messages he sends you.  Yes, THOSE messages where he tells you how much he wants and needs you.   You’re NOT that special.  He sends those to me too.  And he has sent them to others in the past.  So even if things change between the two of us and he gets together with you, know he will be sending perverted texts to other women.  When it happens, let me know how that feels, will you?   I hope he hurts you as much as you hurt me.  And I hope you get to experience it much faster than I did.  Why waste 12 years of your life on someone who will always be looking for the next women to fulfill his dirty fantasies.

I am sure by now; you know I know you exist. I am not quite fully sure of the extent of your relationship with my husband, but I know that it is certainly more than “just friends”. 

For months now, I have been waiting for him to choose between the two of us. Actually his choice should not be seen as a choice between the two of us, but rather between you or his family. For a long time, I hoped he would pick the boys and me. In fact, he did. Twice he told me there was no one else and there never will be anyone else he wants to share his life with. Obviously, that statement was said to make me feel better. Obviously, he has chosen you. You may not think so and he may deny it, but he has. It was really a simple lie that made me realize the truth of the matter.

Thank you for the candy/cookie bag, by the way. He told me they were from Emily. Funny, Emily did not make any for my father-in-law. Hmmm, he’s her boss. You would think my father-in-law would get Christmas Cookies over Scott, but he didn’t. Why would he lie about where they came from, if they were truly from her? His deer in the headlight look whenever I say your name, says it all.  If there aren’t any feelings involved, there would be no need for that look.

So now, I hope he chooses you.  

You may date for awhile, you might even get engaged and be his lovely third bride.  He'll wine you and dine you. You'll go away for romantic weekends and he'll buy you nice things.  

But then someday, you may lie awake at night wondering what you did to make him turn to someone else. Someday, you may cry yourself to sleep night after night. Someday you may have your heart ripped out and torn in two. Someday, you may have to paste a smile and pretend life is good and that you are the perfect family all the while realizing that life as you know it is crumbling right before your eyes. Someday, he will text, e-mail, or Facebook message someone incessantly (especially when he's been drinking) right in front of you. You'll know he's doing it because he has the same look on his face he used to have when he used to look at you. You might be even lucky enough to see some of these messages and learn exactly what he says to these women. Take it from me, it won't be fun. But I promise you, you'll get over it. One day you'll realize that you are important too, that your happiness does matter, that you deserve better and that somewhere out there, there is someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.